Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

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I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

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I actually pay taxes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have a reading level above third grade

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

As a guy, how do you know you if you are considered attractive?

I can count

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

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I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I can read

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.

I see through liars

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t cotton to rapists

What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

What specific economic and social impacts would result if all climate change policies and regulations were immediately repealed worldwide?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for traitorism

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Are there any Hollywood celebrities who never divorced? Why does it seem like celebrities are likely to get divorced frequently?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Why aren't F1 cars popular on the street?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

Can the belief of not worshipping Christ held by Jehovah's Witnesses be disproven using scripture alone?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand how hurricane paths work

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane